Oh yes, the Stinky Brothers... and more!

A co-worker of mine who follows my blog emailed me a reminder about two of our patrons whom we call "The Stinky Brothers."  Every public library has patrons like these.  The ones that you can find anywhere in the library just by using your nose.  The ones that require you to keep a can of air freshener at the desk so you can spray that trail o' stink after they leave.  (Though, I have been known to break the can out before they've left when the odor really smacks me around.)

The Stinky Brothers aren't homeless.  I know this because they check out DVDs.  (I don't know too many cardboard boxes that have TVs and DVD players.)  I also know that at least one of the brothers has lost internet access due to his taste in porn.  (Eww.  Just eww.  There are certain notes on patron names that you know need to be there, but you throw up a little in your mouth every time you read it.)  They have a wide range of books that they check out including (wait for it....) BREASTFEEDING BOOKS.  Oh yes.  You know that they're checking them out just to see boobs, but still, it's all I can do not to say "Please tell me you didn't knock someone up" or "When are you due?"

Is that mean?  Sure.  Do they deserve it?  Yes.

My other moment of bitchiness comes from a couple of weeks ago.  A patron stopped in to return some books, check out some books, the usual.  The entire dialog while he was at the desk was pleasant (which was odd, because he usually has attitude).  But then he ruined it.  He began to walk away and spun on his heel.

@$$hole: I drove 14 miles up here yesterday and you were closed!  A half inch of snow and you close?!?!?!  Come on!
Me:  Sir, we were open from noon to 5.  There was a sign on the door that stated as such.
@$$hole: I didn't see that.  It said you were closed.
Me:  No, the sign that said we were closed that we we would be opening from noon-5 because of the ice.
@$$hole: (begins to leave so he can get the last word in) It was just a half inch of snow!
Me: (calling after him) It's for your safety!  Our parking lot was covered in ice.  (under my breath) Asshole.

Too bad he didn't bust his ass when he drove the 14 miles and got out of his vehicle the day before.  Unless he did.  And if that's the case, I have some security camera footage to review because I WANNA SEE!