Buncha Smart-Ass Bitches

I tell myself daily that I love people. 

I don't believe myself.

This evening, I was turning off PC monitors before we closed.  Our computers shut down 15 minutes before we close so that we can herd people out of the library.  Seriously.  When we say we close at a certain time, that does not mean that your ass can stay after that time. 

But I digress.

Two women were on a PC, working frantically on who knows what.  One asks for more time when I inform them that the PCs shut down 15 minutes before we close.  One seems accepting of this information, the other gets downright bitchy. 

Patron:  I can't believe they didn't tell me that the computers shut down before the library closed!  I asked what time they closed!

Me:  Did you ask what time we closed or what time the computers shut down?  I'm sure if you'd told the librarian that you needed to use the computers, they would have told you that they shut down early.

Patron:  Of course I did!  I asked what time you closed and then I asked if the computers would be available until then.

Me: (Suuuuuuuure you did.)  I'm sorry you weren't given the correct information.

Patron:  Well!  We wouldn't have driven over here if we'd known this!

Me:  (Why did you drive over here?  There's a library where you were.  Were you banned?  I'm beginning to think you were banned.)

A few minutes later, I walked over to the area again, this time to take down a clock that had stopped. 

Patron:  Excuse me?  Can you come over here and show us how to print this out before we run out of time in 56 seconds. 

Me:  (Standing on chair... begins to get down out of chair to head that way.)

Patron:  Ma'am!

Me:  I'm coming.  (Seriously, I was 5 feet away, on a chair.  Could she not tell I was headed that direction?"

I see that she has a website pulled up.  I click on "File, Print" etc. in order to get the item printed out before the PC shuts down.

Patron:  Where is it?  Where will it be?

Me:  It prints out at the front desk.  You can pick it up there.

I pick up the clock and head to the office to change the battery.  On my way, I turn to the ladies at the circ desk and say "Will you please check to make sure that whatever it is they need on PC #10 has printed out?"

A few minutes later, one of our pages comes in, holding what appears to be a mostly blank page.  She is followed closely by our circ manager.

Page:  OMG.  1) It didn't print out right and 2) what bitches!

Circ:  By the way, you should know that we're all "a bunch of smart-ass bitches."

Me:  Seriously?

Circ:  Yes, I informed them that they can't talk to us that way.

Outreach Librarian (who has found her way in):  I told them they had to leave.

Turns out she also escorted them from the building.  I love her.

I still don't love people.

Check out these cobwebs

Daaaaaamn, ya'll.  It's dusty around here.  Since my last post, I went back to school, got my MLIS (hot damn!) and got a spiffy raise to go with it.  (Don't get too excited.  I'm still broke.)

I've also had a shit ton of crazy folks to deal with.

In the last 6 months, we've had an older man start coming to the library.  He usually brings his laptop and sits at one of the cafe tables near the front door.  He's always given off a creepy vibe, sitting in his knitted raccoon hat, occasionally complaining that we were intentionally keeping just him off the internet (yeah... because we can do that).  Then someone overheard him say that he liked to sit in that particular area of the library because it's next to the kids area and... he likes to watch the kids.  Seriously?  Because what I really need to deal with is a pedophile.

Most of the time, creepy guy (what we all call him) just gives off a big ol' creepy vibe.  One day, he was completely turned around in his chair, just staring at the kids.  Our token guybrarian got up and went to the office door and took the situation in.  It was kind of funny to watch him stare the guy down.  The kids went into story hour and guybrarian came back into the office, weirded out but feeling better about the creepy-kid-watching dude.

After storyhour, the kids emerged and we watched the doorway to see what happened.  Not only did the dude start staring down the kids again, but he GOT UP and approached one of the grandmothers, questioning her about the program the kids just attended.  At first, we thought maybe they knew each other until she began to back off.  Yay.  So, guybrarian went back to the door, started talking to said grandmother and the guy backed off.  While we can't kick him out since he's never done anything to get booted (oh, that he would!), we can stare him down and keep him from feeling comfortable around the kids.

Wait, you say!  Maybe he just likes kids and doesn't mean anything by it!  Uh-huh.  And monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Just How Badly Do You Need That Book?

Yet another story from a co-worker who was laughing so hard about this one that she called me at home on my day off to tell me about it.

We have many older patrons who visit the library daily to get their free coffee, read the paper, take their morning constitutional in the latrine and perhaps even nap.  Unless they snore or start to drool, we generally leave the nappers alone.  Though, sometimes I want to wake them up just because I want to take a nap, dammit!

So, one of these patrons, an older gentleman who used to come in to my shop when I had it open (sigh) is not one of the happiest campers.  (He loves telling me how he wishes my shop were still open, that he misses it, etc., but when I was open, he complained that he couldn't smoke in my place and the coffee was too expensive.)  On this particular day, said patron grabbed one of the new non-fiction titles and sat down to read it in one of our comfy armchairs.  My co-worker said she walked by at one point and he'd fallen asleep, book open on his chest.  She let him be and walked back to the desk.

About 30 minutes or so later, the man approached the desk.  He mentioned the book he'd been reading and said he'd really been enjoying it.  So much, in fact, that he'd planned on checking it out and taking it home.  However, he must've dropped it during his unplanned siesta because it wasn't in his lap when he woke up.  None of the librarians had picked the book up, so my lovely co-workers searches for the book in the OPAC. 

IT HAD BEEN CHECKED OUT!!!!

A lady had taken the book OUT OF HIS LAP and checked it out.  Just how badly did this lady need to know about the history of our state?  Seriously?

Finders keepers, snoozers weepers.