Oh yes, the Stinky Brothers... and more!

A co-worker of mine who follows my blog emailed me a reminder about two of our patrons whom we call "The Stinky Brothers."  Every public library has patrons like these.  The ones that you can find anywhere in the library just by using your nose.  The ones that require you to keep a can of air freshener at the desk so you can spray that trail o' stink after they leave.  (Though, I have been known to break the can out before they've left when the odor really smacks me around.)

The Stinky Brothers aren't homeless.  I know this because they check out DVDs.  (I don't know too many cardboard boxes that have TVs and DVD players.)  I also know that at least one of the brothers has lost internet access due to his taste in porn.  (Eww.  Just eww.  There are certain notes on patron names that you know need to be there, but you throw up a little in your mouth every time you read it.)  They have a wide range of books that they check out including (wait for it....) BREASTFEEDING BOOKS.  Oh yes.  You know that they're checking them out just to see boobs, but still, it's all I can do not to say "Please tell me you didn't knock someone up" or "When are you due?"

Is that mean?  Sure.  Do they deserve it?  Yes.

My other moment of bitchiness comes from a couple of weeks ago.  A patron stopped in to return some books, check out some books, the usual.  The entire dialog while he was at the desk was pleasant (which was odd, because he usually has attitude).  But then he ruined it.  He began to walk away and spun on his heel.

@$$hole: I drove 14 miles up here yesterday and you were closed!  A half inch of snow and you close?!?!?!  Come on!
Me:  Sir, we were open from noon to 5.  There was a sign on the door that stated as such.
@$$hole: I didn't see that.  It said you were closed.
Me:  No, the sign that said we were closed that we we would be opening from noon-5 because of the ice.
@$$hole: (begins to leave so he can get the last word in) It was just a half inch of snow!
Me: (calling after him) It's for your safety!  Our parking lot was covered in ice.  (under my breath) Asshole.

Too bad he didn't bust his ass when he drove the 14 miles and got out of his vehicle the day before.  Unless he did.  And if that's the case, I have some security camera footage to review because I WANNA SEE!

Why do people continue to amaze me?

Several of our patrons are my friends on FaceBook, some of whom I was already friends with, but many are folks I've friended just so that I can share info posted from the library's website or twitter accounts.  Last week, I friended a patron whom I'd ignored online before, just because I knew, I KNEW, that her status updates would make me cringe.

Backstory:  With the remodel and snow we've had recently, the schedule at the library has been hit or miss.  After my last post, it snowed enough to that the school board canceled school, which also meant that we were closed that day.  When I returned to work on Monday, we still didn't have computers for the patrons, which meant enduring more "No computers!?!??!" crap.  We also had BOXES AND BOXES of books that had been returned in the book drop while we were closed.  (What part of PLEASE HOLD ONTO THE BOOKS UNTIL WE REOPEN DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND????)

Ahem.  Tangent.

So, no computers on Tuesday, either.  We kept telling patrons that we were at the mercy of the electrician and computer technician, we're sorry, we hope to have them up by Wednesday, yadda yadda yadda.  Glory be, by Tuesday afternoon, we had PCs!  You'd think it was the second coming or something.  The sky opened, the angels sang... AND THEN IT SNOWED.  AGAIN.

So, Wednesday, we were closed.  The forementioned FB patron updated her status accordingly:  OH NO! The computers had just come back up and now the library was closed and she couldn't get on the internet.  Why was the library closed?  Oh woe is me!  THEN SHE APOLOGIZED TO HER MAFIA WARS AND YOVILLE FRIENDS. 

Open palm, insert face.

I couldn't let it go.  I commented with a sweet "our concern is for our patrons, my co-workers and I have fallen in the parking lot, we're low man on the totem pole when it comes to getting our parking lot cleared..." but inside I was screaming OH MY GAWD!  And then it hit me... Was she posting from her phone?  How else would she update her status?  Hmmm?  The questions continued to build when I got an email notification that she'd commented to my comment... an apology for her vent... Wait!  The library was still closed.  I'm confused!  So, you can still FaceBook, but your connection is such that you can't play your blessed Mafia Wars and Yoville.  Soooooooo... you'll call the library out on your FB account because we were trying to keep you and other patrons safe and save you from falling and busting your asses in our parking lot.  I'm sorry.  Next time, please be my guest and fall down for me, video tape it and post it on YouTube.  Please.  I need a good laugh.

I Want My Internet and I Want it Now!

Part of your job as a librarian is to give your patrons access to information.  Actually, that's the biggest part of your job.  Some of that information might be found in books, other in magazines, newspapers, on microfilm or on the internet.  Heck, we get phone calls from regular patrons and others from out of state utilizing us as their personal 411 service.  We look up phone numbers, give recommendations for meals, give directions, etc. etc.

It gets annoying from time to time, but it's part of the job.

Back to the internet.

Patrons in good standing can logon to our system.  They each get 60 minutes a day.  If they need extra time (usually reserved for just homework) we can grant that if there's no one waiting.  We also allow out of town guests to use our system, leaving an ID or something at the front desk in return for a guest pass.  We also have free wireless, no access code needed.  I know of patrons who have parked in our lot at night to access the web.  Just another service we offer.

Lots of times, I might not even talk to a patron using a computer.  They come in, make their own reservation at the laptop and logon.  If a guest comes in, I might have to show him how to use the system.  If they print something out, they have to come to the desk to release and pick up their print job (done so we don't waste paper).

There are some patrons that make me giggle when they use the PCs.  I pass one gentleman every morning on my way to work.  (I drive, he walks).  He's there not long after we open and gets on the internet immediately.  What does he do?  He plays games on the internet.  One day, I heard the sound of a digital camera.  This man was holding up his cell phone, taking pictures of his high score.  I catch him doing it occasionally and it always makes me shake my head.

Then there are the ANGRY COMPUTER PATRONS.  One such lady was at the library yesterday.  She approached the desk, telling us that her computer had locked up.  My co-worker and I looked at each other and she decided to check it out.  She stormed back to the counter a few minutes later.  She had asked the lady what she was doing, trying to figure out what had locked the computer up.  The woman kept cutting her off, complaining that she had LOST THREE MINUTES OF HER COMPUTER TIME!  (The horror!)  Before my co-worker could explain that, because it was our problem, her time would be restored, the lady continued to complain that she'd lost time and kept cutting her off.  My co-worker got the computer rebooted, logged the patron back on and had returned to the desk.  After going through all of this with me, I hear my co-worker grunt and she grabs my elbow.

Co: OMG!
Me: What?
Co:  That!  That's what was so important!
Me: What are you talking about?
Co: (steering me to see the computer screen of the patron) THAT!  She had to get on FACEBOOK!
Both: (synchronized eye-rolling)

Don't get me wrong, I love FB.  I have one that I've been known to check at work or even update from my cell (no, you can't have a link) and have argued with my bf on the good qualities of FB (he refuses to get one).  But to pitch a fit like a 4 year old not getting to play with his favorite toy because you can't check your FaceBook page?  Get. A. Life. 

About me and the blog. Because you care.

Here's that introductory post that I know you're just DYING to read.

I'm a librarian (duh).  I've been working in a public library for a couple of years and love my job.  Really.  I'm an artist; in the past I've been a gallery owner, barista, web designer, office manager, administrative assistant, ticket taker at a zoo, fast food lackey, jewelry designer, community volunteer, board member, teacher and more things than I care to admit.  I'm also a single mom to a pretty friggin awesome kid.

That's all the background you're getting.

I've been thinking about doing this blog for a while, but hadn't because the world really needing another blog.  Another person so absorbed in themselves that they think the world wants to read their thoughts.  But dammit, I love blogs.  And this maybe isn't so much about my thoughts, but rather, shit that happens while I'm at work.

This is what pushed me over the edge and made me do this:

Last week, I was working the circulation desk, checking in books, assisting patrons, etc., etc.   A lady walks up and plops three books on the desk in front of me.

Me: Checking these in?
Patron: Yes, I'm bringing them back.  This one (points to book with dude half-naked on cover)... this one... I started to read it, but it's just nasty.  It's not fit to be on the shelf.
Me: (Oh great! My first complaint about a book!)  Ok...
Patron:  Heaven forbid if a young person gets hold of that book!  Just filthy!  (Starts to walk off.)  I'll be back, I'm getting some more books.
Me:  ??

The patron then proceeded to walk straight to the romance section and return with three more bodice-ripping craptacular romance novels.

And that's why I finally started this blog.