Oh yes, the Stinky Brothers... and more!

A co-worker of mine who follows my blog emailed me a reminder about two of our patrons whom we call "The Stinky Brothers."  Every public library has patrons like these.  The ones that you can find anywhere in the library just by using your nose.  The ones that require you to keep a can of air freshener at the desk so you can spray that trail o' stink after they leave.  (Though, I have been known to break the can out before they've left when the odor really smacks me around.)

The Stinky Brothers aren't homeless.  I know this because they check out DVDs.  (I don't know too many cardboard boxes that have TVs and DVD players.)  I also know that at least one of the brothers has lost internet access due to his taste in porn.  (Eww.  Just eww.  There are certain notes on patron names that you know need to be there, but you throw up a little in your mouth every time you read it.)  They have a wide range of books that they check out including (wait for it....) BREASTFEEDING BOOKS.  Oh yes.  You know that they're checking them out just to see boobs, but still, it's all I can do not to say "Please tell me you didn't knock someone up" or "When are you due?"

Is that mean?  Sure.  Do they deserve it?  Yes.

My other moment of bitchiness comes from a couple of weeks ago.  A patron stopped in to return some books, check out some books, the usual.  The entire dialog while he was at the desk was pleasant (which was odd, because he usually has attitude).  But then he ruined it.  He began to walk away and spun on his heel.

@$$hole: I drove 14 miles up here yesterday and you were closed!  A half inch of snow and you close?!?!?!  Come on!
Me:  Sir, we were open from noon to 5.  There was a sign on the door that stated as such.
@$$hole: I didn't see that.  It said you were closed.
Me:  No, the sign that said we were closed that we we would be opening from noon-5 because of the ice.
@$$hole: (begins to leave so he can get the last word in) It was just a half inch of snow!
Me: (calling after him) It's for your safety!  Our parking lot was covered in ice.  (under my breath) Asshole.

Too bad he didn't bust his ass when he drove the 14 miles and got out of his vehicle the day before.  Unless he did.  And if that's the case, I have some security camera footage to review because I WANNA SEE!

The bathroom thief rides again

Two of my co-workers run a side business, cleaning the library after hours.  They also do some things during work hours related to the business, like refilling the paper towel and toilet paper dispensers.  They usually clean a couple of nights a week and do the other items as needed.

A couple of months ago, the day after a night of cleaning, a patron approached the front desk and informed us that the women's restroom was out of toilet paper.  So, the message was relayed and met with a "What???  We just refilled those last night!"  Lo and behold, the TP was gone.  Seems another patron had decided that she needed that TP at home.  Nice.  We have a pretty good idea of who it was, but do you stop the patron and say "let me search your bag?"  No, you just refill the dispenser and go on.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later.  The aforementioned patron is seen at the front desk, pumping our Germ-X into bottles she's pulled from her purse.  She's not even trying to hide the fact that she's using us as her personal filling station.

Another few weeks later.  After a program for the teens involved dirt-colored gummy worms, the teen librarian leaves the rest of the gummies out for others to enjoy.  The same patron is seen stuffing the individually wrapped gummies into her purse.  Once she leaves, we find that the container is now empty.

And now we get to yesterday.  Same "cleaning" librarian comes storming out of the bathroom and enters the office.  She apologizes for the question that follows:  "Did any of you ladies take the air fresheners that were behind the toilets in the ladies' room?"  Uh, no.  Gone.  WTH?  Ten minutes later, another co-workers comes in and tells us that the toilet paper is also gone.  Guess who's in the library?  Ol' Germ-X herself.  Argh.

Ya know, I understand being broke.  Believe me, I live paycheck to paycheck.  But jeezuz, stealing from the public library? 

Your books will be due in three weeks.  Would you like toilet paper with that?

Why do people continue to amaze me?

Several of our patrons are my friends on FaceBook, some of whom I was already friends with, but many are folks I've friended just so that I can share info posted from the library's website or twitter accounts.  Last week, I friended a patron whom I'd ignored online before, just because I knew, I KNEW, that her status updates would make me cringe.

Backstory:  With the remodel and snow we've had recently, the schedule at the library has been hit or miss.  After my last post, it snowed enough to that the school board canceled school, which also meant that we were closed that day.  When I returned to work on Monday, we still didn't have computers for the patrons, which meant enduring more "No computers!?!??!" crap.  We also had BOXES AND BOXES of books that had been returned in the book drop while we were closed.  (What part of PLEASE HOLD ONTO THE BOOKS UNTIL WE REOPEN DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND????)

Ahem.  Tangent.

So, no computers on Tuesday, either.  We kept telling patrons that we were at the mercy of the electrician and computer technician, we're sorry, we hope to have them up by Wednesday, yadda yadda yadda.  Glory be, by Tuesday afternoon, we had PCs!  You'd think it was the second coming or something.  The sky opened, the angels sang... AND THEN IT SNOWED.  AGAIN.

So, Wednesday, we were closed.  The forementioned FB patron updated her status accordingly:  OH NO! The computers had just come back up and now the library was closed and she couldn't get on the internet.  Why was the library closed?  Oh woe is me!  THEN SHE APOLOGIZED TO HER MAFIA WARS AND YOVILLE FRIENDS. 

Open palm, insert face.

I couldn't let it go.  I commented with a sweet "our concern is for our patrons, my co-workers and I have fallen in the parking lot, we're low man on the totem pole when it comes to getting our parking lot cleared..." but inside I was screaming OH MY GAWD!  And then it hit me... Was she posting from her phone?  How else would she update her status?  Hmmm?  The questions continued to build when I got an email notification that she'd commented to my comment... an apology for her vent... Wait!  The library was still closed.  I'm confused!  So, you can still FaceBook, but your connection is such that you can't play your blessed Mafia Wars and Yoville.  Soooooooo... you'll call the library out on your FB account because we were trying to keep you and other patrons safe and save you from falling and busting your asses in our parking lot.  I'm sorry.  Next time, please be my guest and fall down for me, video tape it and post it on YouTube.  Please.  I need a good laugh.